Well after working like a mad scientist last week I
decided to take it easy this weekend. Well of course that did not
happen. I woke on Saturday and went for a ride for Lara. It was so nice
to ride. It is the best feeling to pedal around and absorb my
surroundings. Not restricted by a medal and glass box with a motor. Its
raw and clean.
I went to Whole Paycheck on Sunday to make some
groceries. I love going there for some reason. It is not for the prices
or for the selection, I think I like it because it is organized in
chaos.
Sunday night I cleaned the hidden places in our house.
Places like between the stove and counter and under the fridge. It is
kinda what I am doing to myself right now. I am searching through all
of my thoughts and emotional stress that I pushed aside. Self
medicating myself with alcohol for as long as I have has takin
its toll. It is going to take a while to find a repair everything I
pushed aside. Its been over a month and I feel pretty good. It has been
a hard week with Christmas parties and such. I only have 2 weeks left
of my goal. The first of the year is when I scheduled to stay clean
till. I am a little uncomfortable with thoughts of drinking right now.
If I don’t feel like I have some resolution to this, then come New Years I am going to set another goal for Mardi Gras. I read an article that says that alcohol abusers have a 30% success rate becoming a responsible
drinker. I hope that I can be part of that 30% but I am not counting on
it nor am I letting my guard down. I have tried this before and failed.
I am really frightened by the thought of being drunk. I have had time
to think and face every dumb action caused by my reckless consumption
of alcohol. The thought of how I acted when I was drunk is
embarrassing. I think that I have honestly faced some issues with
myself that I have never faced before. That is what is going to help me
make my decisions.