So here it is. I am not fasting right now but I am changing. So this is a personal ramble about who I am, what I can be and where I am going now.
I am cursed with having a chemical dependent geneology. Lets first start with my Dad. He was a great man in his own way but he was also an addict. He was burned from the waist down when I was born from trying to be a motorcycle mechanic and fix his Triumph. Now this guy could not even change oil in a car so I have no idea what compelled him to try and fix his motorbike but he did. Well he got gas all over his jeans and went into the wash-room to change. He didnt think about the fact that the wash-room also houses the hot water heater which caught him on fire. He had 3rd degree burns from the waist down. He had to have a skin graph. Well that was a beginning to a long drawn out 6 months on a morphine drip. He sobered up but it wasnt long till he got injured again. This time in a severe car accident in which that had to remove 2 vertabrae from his back. Well that was it and he was hooked. He died of a drug overdose in 1997. My mother side of the family has had 2 drug overdoses in the last decade. So where do I fit in to this? Well like my sister says "we are doomed." I have been a recreational drug user and drinker for as long as I can remember. So I have now seen myself go from being ok to being out of control. Now, I don’t need a drink, but I drink often and to the point of being smashed. It seems to be getting easier and easier for me to go past the point of tipsy. I have noticed that everything that has going bad in my life has been caused by drugs or drinking in some way or another. So what do I do about it? Well I can follow the path of my family and go down in a flaming dance or I can get some help and reach my potential. I don’t do bad for myself and I mantain (how I dont know) but I want to know what heights I can reach. I am 30 years old with a good job and wonderful girlfriend. I don’t feel that I deserve this being the kinda fuck up that I am. So this is my plan of action. I live in NOLA and drinking is the norm. I love this city and she loves me but I can’t keep going like this if I want to survive and reach my goals. So I am simply putting down the bar room lifestyle and going to go and get some help with my drinking.  Well I have done this before but not on my own free will. I am going to do this for myself. I have a really good life and loving people all around me and I am not going to choose a buzz over that. I am going to do this right. Lara is the most wonderful person I know. She is honest, caring and just genuinely a good person. She does not deserve a bar fly that just skids by. She deserves the best and that is what I want to give her, my best. So this is how it is and this is how it is going to be. I guess I was never ready to do this before or I didnt feel like I had a reason to.  I am nuts already so I have no problem partying down with an ice cold coca-cola. So have a drink for me because that is as close to me having a cocktail as I am going to get.